Call me "Joseph the Dreamah"...

I  was completely drenched in my own sweat As I struggled with my bags throughout the busy market saying "excuse me"  and "sorry"  on every turn. But just when I thought the situation couldn't get worse, one of my leather sandals gave way.  I wasn't about to get embarrassed, so I took it off and continued my journey with my bare foot.
      But soon,  the hustle became so real that I thought I was going to pass out anytime soon, thus I purchased a cold sachet of water and drank it in both  a noisy and lousy manner. As I continued my stroll to the bus stand this time, having bought all the items I came to purchase.  Just then a young man started towards me with chants of "excuse me"... " miss...  Please can u hold on for a second"...
      I didn't give a care in the world at the moment, but I decided to hear the young man out, incase I might have dropped something important.  The young man looked flashy and drop dead handsome.  Which made me turn pink and then purple with embarrassment as I immediately used the back of my palm to clean the water from the side of my mouth and I squeezed my bare foot against the other one.
   "yes"...  I managed to answer finally and his next response surprised me. " can I help you carry some of your baggage" he said and I was thinking "Egbon, are u a wheelbarrow boy or..."
    Ha! Ha! A more elaborate thought came to mind "these ring road boys will not kill somebody...  How can a fine boy like this be a thief, I mean I know he is dressed like a G boy but seriously"... But one more look at the young man and my heart melted again,and  being the cautious chick that I am, I gave him the bag that contained the onions, since it was the least valuable of the items I was holding, incase things were to go south.
     I told him where I was headed, and he smiled at me stating that it was a coincidence since he was headed the same way.  But before we could go further he stopped by a really flashy car, opened the back seat and kept the bag of onions there and asked me to hop in.  My heart skipped few beats as this time, I was almost sure that he was a kidnapper, more accurately a ritualist, because judging from my present dress code you would know that there is nothing for you to kidnap, "no shishi anywhere".  In fact if he was to put a call to my family for a ransom they will kindly advise him to keep me,
Thus I panicked.
        "thank you for helping me with my bag, but I will really like to take the bus...  Please" I even had to beg. He smiled softly before saying "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise.  I'm really not that kinda guy" and once more I fell for his charms.
      He took me home with directions from me of course and I later found out that his name was Adedeji and naturally, I called him Deji.
      From thence, a true tale of love sprouted like an iroko but this Saturday evening as I lay motionless on his chest, I wondered.  "what had this rich,  handsome youngman seen in me?".  I looked my worst the day we met, how did this happen.  "fate"  was all he could say, I mean his ex's were all foreign supermodels, what did he see in a local yoruba girl like me.
     But just before we could get all cuddly and stuff my friend Chinwe knocked on the door. she had come to borrow my textbook but while we were at it.  We all talked and laughed for a long time.
    A few months later Deji travelled abroad, and months soon grew into years and I didn't hear from him.  I soon gave up, or so I thought, as I reasoned that he must have seen a prettier girl anyway, and I was never a good enough match for him.  But a few weeks later, I got information from another friend of mine, that Deji was back  in town.  I rushed to the location, he welcomed me warmly, but just when I thought things would go back to normal as I was ready to forgive him,  he gave me his wedding invitation card, and the stunning bride to be in his arms was Chinwe, yes, my very good friend Chinwe.
      I couldn't say a word,  and you know how it feels like in nightmares, when you are being chased and you can't shout the name of "Jesus", neither can you run fast, that was exactly how I felt, before waking up and realising that it was all a bad dream.
     Deji stared up at me as he said "baby, are you okay, did you have a bad dream tell me about it"...
     I told him everything, and he assured me that he loved me more than that and would never do that  to me, " besides we are already engaged " he added and I stared at the big sapphire stone on my finger.  I took a deep breath before hugging him and "just before we could get cuddly and stuff" in reality this time  there was a knock on the door, and a feminine voice said...
    "Funke, it's Chinwe, I came to borrow your brown dress" and I paused...
    "it's OK...  Let her in Baby, nothing is gonna go wrong I promise" Deji  said reassuringly and  even laughed before calling me a drama Queen...
   
    I asked one of the newly employed maids to give her the dress and to tell her to keep it and also to tell her that I wasn't home...

       Judge me all you want... "Egbon you can  call me Joseph the 'Dreamah' but I'm  not taking that kinda risk with my man"...
 


   
   

He is a " liyah"!

     Life had been quite difficult, I mean can it possibly get worse than this? My friends come to every social gathering with their boyfriends all loved up! And it always resounds in my head like a line in the passion of Christ, "agony again for me"...
      Yes, I was often referred to as the cute one, the intelligent one and now quite visibly "the single one".  And I guess this cross seemed to follow me everywhere as Nana Bashiru; the old lady who lived close to my off campus apartment always referred to me as "iyawo mi", a clear reminder that I was now in my final year and still didn't have a man, thus I'm now a suitable bride for old women..
       However,  I still  took my leisure time to blow off some steam, apparently since I am the daughter of a rich man, I spend most of my leisure time at the mall, and it had always been a boring routine until one faithful Friday..
      It was a Friday afternoon, and I had gone to the mall as usual, I soon strolled  around tirelessly and headed towards the counter to pay for the few things I picked, when a guy tapped his friend like he had seen a ghost and pointed in my direction, which was not shocking to me at all, as the young man wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last to think I'm  beautiful and be dramatic about it.
      Anyway, that was what I thought until the other young man who was tapped walked towards me, he looked neat, stylish and smart.  and his white inner shirt which was visible from the three unbuttoned regions of his black long sleeve seemed to be screaming my name.  I like a guy who keeps a clean  underwear in its original colour.  But the young man clearly did not give me time to assess his face before he hugged  me, almost choking the life out of me, but during the process of my struggle for survival, I noticed that his cologne smelt like heaven.
      I however managed to set myself free, I stared at his face which was beautifully sculptured, as my eyes sought for answers but just before I could make the conversation verbal, he said "Iheoma, thanks for coming okay..  I really thought u were going to stand me up"  and my "confusion even became confused"...
      First I have never met this young man, secondly, my name isn't even Iheoma." are young men now so bold that they carryout 'chyking' with dramatic gestures, bold moves and false names?"
     "I'm sorry you must be mistaking me for someone else"  I said in an effort to end the episode and also to save my dignity as people were beginning to stare.  I immediately paid for the things I had come to get and rushed out of the mall, as being the centre of attraction wasn't my thing, but the young man ran after me.  Maybe this guy needs a slap to press the reset button in his brain I thought, looking past his good looks...
    "Please wait, isn't this you?" he said, showing me a picture I had uploaded on Facebook 2days ago from his iphone. Yes that is me, I said hesitantly, so does it mean you are my friend on Facebook?
   "no, I'm your boyfriend, and we have been dating online for the past 6 months"
   I almost laughed aloud before asking him if this was all a joke and he showed me a girl on instagram  who looked exactly like me.  I would have thought she was my twin,  but she wore the same clothes I wore and went to the same places I went and took her pictures in  the same place I took mine with the same posture...
    It wasn't a coincidence, this girl was clearly using my picture to create a social media awareness for herself. I wanted to get to the bottom of the issue so I got the phone number of the young man, Kevin.
      We soon got to talk and  it dawned on him that he had been played. But as things progressed I realised that he was more in love with the face than the so called Iheoma.  So naturally the wave of love started to move him towards my camp, and I too was beginning to like the guy.  But I had as a major rule, not to love any guy who loved my face more than my qualities.
     Love me for the way I laugh, how stubborn I could get, how I think, the words I say and not because you can show me off to your friends, I said to my ex jake right before we broke up...
      When Kevin finally asked me to go out with him with the hilarious caption "Martina  will you be my maltina? Please, please go out with me. I turned him down, even though he had claimed that he loved me for me.  But immediately he left my apartment my heart began to ache and the only conclusion I could arrive at was...
 "to hell with the rules"  I don't care why this guy is into me, but the most important thing is that I like him too.
      Thus I drove to his apartment, and that was when I heard it all
   "Martina, refused to go out with me" he said to his friend Paul with a voice heavily Laddened with sorrow and just then I felt like rushing in to say...  "I will go out with you Kevin, I will be your girl"  when he added "I had slept with her several times but she wasn't satisfied", I guess that's why she didn't agree. The shock of the lie being told turned me into "the paralytic"  in the Bible.
    "she is a pretty ho"  Paul had said,  "pretty girls like her are no good...
  " I don't know why I keep going for dem bad bitches"Kevin continued his lying tale in a sorrowful voice.
      He soon turned around to see me standing at the door way and stared at me in shock! I still stood transfixed as  my mind wandered, had I dodged the bullet  of dating a liar or was this officially my first heartbreak
    "Martina...  Baby..."  Kevin stammered and all my heart could scream was...
 
 Ha! Ogbeni who is your baby? Ha! You are a liyah!!! (in falz's voice)
   
     

Corper shun!

 
   I stared at the first official nightmare of camp life immediately we arrived.  First we were asked by the soldiers to carry our luggage on our heads as any luggage that cannot be carried in that manner should be immediately  discarded.  I didn't opt for this I kept repeating to myself for crying out loud I'm someone's last child, but yes  the hustle was on...
     I staggered on, feeling a bit humiliated as per all the forming I planned to do in camp, being a private university graduate.  Half way through I began to think of what Jesus must have felt while carrying the cross, "my saviour you are God"  I said under my breath, as I looked for a Joseph of Arimathea to come and help me carry my cross as "Golgotha";the girls hostel area was still quite far.  But like Roman soldiers the army guys shouted pointing in my direction " who is that Jezebel? You think this is a beauty contest abi? "
      And just like that, all eyes on me, and I literally felt like entering the ground, but just before I could fall to the ground my Joseph of Arimathea arrived with honey brown eyes, a beautiful face and the body sculpture   of a"Greek god", his name, Chidubem.
      I was lost in his honey brown eyes that when he whispered  "let me help you with that",  I didn't even respond as he set me free from my agony, but from thence, an unimaginable attraction to him erupted like a volcano. I stared at him during the morning work outs, when it was time to eat, at the platoon meetings and even when he was with his friends and I hungrily waited for the attention given to be returned and one day it was...
        It was during the match pass practice and I continued to stare at his macho stature and I waited patiently like the Indian movies I loved so much for him to look back, "look at me if there is a chance that you could love me", I said playfully to myself about 3 times and the fourth time, he turned staring at me with an angelic smile
and my heart started beating really fast like "kilode"
       But as quickly as the show became sweet it soon grew sour, as Dubby lost concentration while staring at me briefly and one of the soldiers noticed.  "hey you! Otondo!" he shouted at Dubem "you are looking at a Jezebel right? Squat fast!"
And Dubem got to a squatting position, I felt  both embarrassed and guilty at the same time. "your hands on your ears"  the instructor continued,  "oya give me a clean frog jump" and just like that pretty boy started doing the frog jump as everyone stared on...
        And that was when I noticed that Dubem had a lot of female fans who almost cried as he did the exercise,  "who could he possibly have been looking at?" some ladies asked and I felt a little sugary inside, with the sugary feeling  dying almost immediately "I have definitely gotten the poor boy into trouble"...
         Later that evening I  searched patiently for him with mixed feelings, partially scared as to whether he would want to see me.  I soon found him seating  in a corner tending to the pains from the ruthless punishment he had served earlier.  "corper shun!"  I chanted, in an attempt to get his attention and he looked up at me, giving a weak smile...  "I would have been really mad if you hadn't showed up" he said calmly and I blushed before replying "elaborate on that with decided cases" ...
         We cracked some other warm jokes before I asked him, "how can I make you feel better?"
  "um"...  He began, wearing a thoughtful expression on that  handsome face of his," maybe you should go out with me" and my heart froze...
     He smiled before asking more directly.. "so... Chelsea will you be my girlfriend?"
But  just before I could scream the loudest yes... The world has ever heard, I received a very hot slap, in the form of a tap on the back and was immediately jolted back to reality.

    "Chelsea it's 20 minutes to the end of the exams and you haven't answered any question, I tried copying from you and all I can see is corper shun! Corper shun!" my bestie funke said to me...

     Yes! This present reality had no Chidubem in it...  In fact it was me and my blank paper in the exam Hall...
    But for me to have come up with such elaborate fiction in the hall...
     "you will  know that this law of contract exams na die"...

Jonny just come...

    I could hear my heart beat loudly in my ears with fear hanging in my throat like a firm mold of pounded yam or the Adams apple I never had, anytime the commercial bus which I boarded arrived a major city.
   "could this be the centre of excellence? Could this be Lagos?" my raving mind continuously pondered in paranoia, but it was no secret that the question asked from within was only rhetorical, as I didn't hold the answers, this turbulent journey being my first voyage in solitude with no family members to guide me.
      Well, my curiosity continued to play the role of protagonist as my eyes hungrily fed on the scenery as we drove by. "is this your first visit to Lagos?"  the young lady seating beside me asked, and I nodded shyly, embarrassed that perhaps the tension within was beginning to show. She smiled softly before saying "I will let you know when we get there".
       We finally arrived lagos, and trust me I didn't need to be told.  As I alighted from the bus, the truth dawned on me as clear as crystal, that I have left my home in the East to come to the West to hustle, despite the fact that my parents could afford my fees and I was doing very well in the university.
      Maybe I was too gullible I thought, maybe the movies that clearly suggests that everyone makes it when they arrive lagos, must have misled me. I have no place to stay, what kind of risk have I ventured into, my busy mind continued to rave as I stared in confusion at the tarred road and fast cars going to and fro. But for fear of being regarded as mad, I began to ask for directions to "julius berger"  the only place I had heard of in lagos, before now.
        But as early as I had arrived,  the custom of the city began to sink in, first I had flagged down a bus, which refused to stop, as the conductor kept on staring at me like I was a learner but surprisingly  a few other able bodied men had jumped into the same bus while in motion, thus I did not hesitate as another opportunity availed itself, and I decided to jump into the next available bus, despite the fact that the driver was slowly bringing the bus to a stand still.
        Almost everyone in the bus wore a weird expression on their face as they stared up at me, probably  unsure of my mental status. The real struggle began when a fat lady, the size of three persons, decided to join me and two others at the back. I soon figured that I was seating on the air, but yet the two skinny others kept on giving me the look of oppression, like I was the source of their present discomfort, probably too scared to look at the female "lokozuma"  present.
     I immediately corrected the impression, as I coordinated the duo into fighting for a common cause tagged the "fight for space". And together we pushed without raising any alarm.  It soon began to feel like a hostile take over as it was yielding results, a victory which was soon cut short when Lokozuma noticed the coup that was going on and decided to retaliate.  Her action of pushing back with force soon corrected my impression, we were the civilians there and this was the Abacha regime all over again.
        However, civilian rule was soon restored when she arrived her destination and had to alight and all I felt was relief, but soon the bus arrived berger which was my own destination.
        I moved around for a while joblessly, until I got really thirsty and realised that somehow the money I had left in my jeans pocket was no longer there.  Desperation took a passionate hold on me, and my intention was to go to the nearby store to beg for a sachet of water.
    A middle aged man and a woman who looked like a hawk were seated there, which immediately made the plea dry in my mouth, but disregarding the confusion on my face the lady spoke up "you too have come to apply for the position of sales boy? And I immediately nodded. (Desperation meets opportunity)
 "what is your name?"  she asked
  "Emeka"  I immediately answered
"Where in the east are you from?"
    "Anambra"
   "where in Anambra?"  she asked further and I told her.
    Hei! She exclaimed, the frown on her face immediately melting into a smile,  "you are my brother o!"  Don't worry you have the job,  I will just tell you the prices of everything.
        I got a meagre monthly salary from her monthly, but that was okay as long as I was given food to eat and a place to stay.  Her husband soon came and moved me to his spare parts shop at yaba after his wife had showered praises about my hard working quality and honesty.
       Well from thence,  life really began for me as during my second day at work, I met Amarachi, the beauty Queen whose car seemed to have had a fault and which parts she wanted changed.
     I showed her the spare parts the car needed, but to go the extra mile to please her since she was so beautiful, I decided to check the fault in the car myself. Her warm gaze followed my every move,  which made my palms  sweaty and gave me happy goosebumps at the same time.
       It was a minor fault I soon discovered, and when I fixed it, she thanked me and then used her handkerchief to wipe the sweat off my face.
   "can I have your number?" she asked, "incase  I need to ask you about these mechanical parts".  She added
   I looked downwards somewhat embarrassed, before replying "I don't have a phone, but I'm  always in the shop".  She looked a little startled before smiling and nodding briefly, then she left.
     I had a difficult time sleeping that night, as the handkerchief ordeal kept making me feel butterflies in my stomach.  But with the days that progressed Amarachi brought her car more often, with one fault or the other or no fault at all.
      She soon got me a handset and from thence love bloomed like a tall iroko tree. This was true love, as I could not carry out any action without thinking about her.
      Amarachi soon secured a job for me at her father's company due to the fact that I had a valid university education, until I abandoned school of course.  I was overjoyed as I held her in my arms and I told her "Amarachi you do not know how much I love you" repeatedly.  Until a warm smile spread across her lips and she said softly"Emeka wake up!", "wake up Emeka" and I woke up to meet the concerned faces of my parents!
        It was all a dream!  "who is Amarachi?"  my father asked and my mother felt my forehead with the back of her hand, before saying "I think Emeka is having Exam fever again!"....

   

The Hustle

Growing up in the ancient city  has been quite eventful, a city where children could of  their own accord decide no longer to continue school and get praises from their parents such as "bookproof" head, olodo, otondo and so on...  And soon the chorus  raised by such children will be "ring road×2" or Asoro igbiyoko as vibrant bus conductors and drivers.
     Well,  I Osahon Ehigiator was no exception.  But I soon got tired of life, I mean you see posts everyday that support dreaming, and they  usually come in attractive packages like "dream big! Because dreaming is another way of planning"...
    But anytime I dream,  it only shows the wide lacuna between my wonderland dreams and the harsh reality, and makes me feel like an angel cast from heaven;which I didn't want the case to be.
     I soon decided to find an escape route, and the world's most popular being love. But that didn't work for me either, as I got my heart broken into pieces several times and I soon wondered if I still possessed the organ. Well,  reasons being that most girls these days wants a guy with a car or atleast a guy who could take care of all their expenses and according to Itohan, the girl I loved like crazy, I was far from that, her exact words; Osas I can't date you because  you are broke and a shameless excuse for a man.
       Well, I soon decided to have a talk with my siblings after we all watched a thought provoking movie.  They talked about our young girls going over to Italy for prostitution, an act which I once condemned but was beginning to see reason in.  A friend of mine soon suggested that we could go to Italy through the desert an act which I strongly objected to, but when it was time to eat supper and my 7 siblings and I all waited for the garri to rise before dipping our spoons in, I decided that this life of poverty I could no longer condone.
       So as early as 3:00am in the morning, I in company of two of my very close friends boarded a bus and from thence we prepared for our journey to Italy through the desert.
      After months of suffering in the desert and I lost my best friend Eseosa to  hunger and the other Ehi to Thirst, we arrived Italy by boat. But from there on we took a straight bus to another country, the name,  unknown to us.
    We waited for a while, as the bus which I boarded was soon stopped by police officers or atleast I thought they were and they started asking for everyone's visa's...
      Panic rocketed through my body as my life began to flash before my eyes...  After months  of suffering and even losing my two best buddies in the desert, constant fights over water or even urine, I was going to be deported! No way, my fate couldn't possibly be that bad...
     Thus when it got to my turn, I broke down into hot real tears...  "I'm a citizen I pleaded, my parents abandoned me...  Oh God why!"...  The tears continued with catarrh coming from my nose and hiccups later on...  And the white officers were amazed, thus they took me to a refugee camp and that was where I met Kayla, the beautiful white nurse who seemed to like me...
     Efforts were made to help me, since I  was abandoned by my parents, but as soon as I got hold of a phone, I called straight home to Naija,  and when my brother Odion picked up after putting the call on loudspeaker  I said "Guy...  I don cross o" and there were screams of jubilation...

  ... The Economy put us up to it... 
   
   
   

The Verdict

     You could almost taste the tension in the court room as three young men stood in front of a supreme Court judge and waited for the verdict; their fate obviously no longer in their hands.
      The crime of cultism was quite a touchy one for his lordship, Henry peters.  Thus while the young lawyers in front of him threw a cross fire of legal tantrums, the learned justice stared on to think of the very event that seemed to be his unending source of pain, even though many years had now passed and he now had a family of his own.
    Figuratively,  it had been a decade back and young Henry was then in the university as a law student; a course which his father had forced upon him, for the love of his children following a professional field.
   Henry was not such a strong willed young man thus his father usually referred to him as soft and easily bended, more so  he nick named him, mellow,  like the fruit mash mellow. But the young man was quick to find an escape route from the pain he constantly faced at home by using his good looks to get the attention of young women.
     Henry was so good at it that he was soon given the nickname of  "Honri the player". A nickname which he preferred to his former nickname of mellow and soon became more popular than the latter. But like all other great players in the game, Henry soon faced his own "achilles hill" when he fell in Love with a certain young woman Chelsea,  and felt by all means that it was time to quit the game.
      He had seen her the first time at the school's art theatre where she gracefully took the role of Lady Macbeth in one of William Shakespeare's legendary plays, Macbeth. He had watched her every move and there and then realised that he wanted her for keeps.
    He had tried to talk with her several times and unlike most other girls, his good looks seemed not to have any effect on her whatsoever thus she had given him the cold shoulder and without warmth or pity, snubbed him; "such brutality"  he had thought, but he never gave up.  Especially when he realised that he needed to keep on thriving not just for himself but to prove  to himself and his father that he could persistently go for what he wanted.
    Thus,  he would wait for her every day after lectures and stalk her tirelessly, and days soon turned into weeks and weeks into months,  until she literally got tired of protesting and would just walk in silence while he followed her.
     He soon had some time to think on one cold faithful evening as he realised that she would never be his.  This was definitely karma he thought, a payment for all the hearts he had broken prematurely and also his attitude towards girls who really liked him but he didn't share their concerns, even those he had only used to do his bidding, selfishly thinking of only his gains while the love drunk young girl would do all he asks.
       Now it was time to pay the price, as the only girl he had ever loved didn't share his concerns,  and this turbulent thoughts soon led him to premature illness.
    Chelsea had waited patiently the next day for her good looking stalker to come around, the young man she had grown fond of and whose company she was beginning to long for, to the extent that she would patiently wait for Henry's lectures to be over before passing the route by the law college just so he would see her and stalk her.
   But today, the case was different as lover boy was nowhere to be found. Panic rocketed through her body like a killer virus and the blue ink of concern boldly written on her face could no longer be hidden.  Thus she asked around and learnt of Henry's illness.
   Henry thought his fever had reached its peak when he saw Chelsea at the door and his thoughts were as to... "am I hallucinating?"  but when the young lady hugged him and told him she had come to take care of him and wasn't leaving any time soon, he was sure it wasn't a dream.
    But from thence,  a passionate love tale bloomed. Henry never understood that love could be as sweet as nectar from a flower enjoyed by the butterfly, but now that he knew, he had no intentions of letting go..
     Talking to his best friend he said
"Guy, I really love this girl. She understands me like a wife, takes care of me like a mother and provides solutions to my problems like an asset, if she leaves me, I will die".
    For Chelsea, the feeling was no different as if there was a guy she was ready to spend the rest of her life with, it was Henry.
And the opportunity soon availed itself, yes! Henry decided to propose soon after their final exams.
    He had called her that Saturday evening under the school's big mango tree, the tree nicknamed the "couples tree", due to the fact that lovers often met there, she was hesitant initially but she finally agreed  and he had waited for her to come as fear and anxiety overwhelmed him.  It felt like he was going to check his result, who knew that proposing could be so tedious.
    He soon saw her walking gracefully towards him when the shootings began.  The cultists at school had obviously declared another war against themselves! He quickly ran to grab her as she held unto him,  obviously frightened.
      "I'm going to protect you" he kept whispering into her ears as she held unto him, believing his every word.   The shootings were soon over but just before he made to speak there was another rain of gun fire and a stray bullet hit her...
      He started screaming for help, but everyone seemed to be running for their lives.  His pain wasn't only from the fact that she had been shot, but his heart bled as he watched the love of his life, struggle for her life in his arms without being able to say a word until she finally died.
    That pain knew no bounds and it was that same pain that made him follow his study of law vigorously and had even landed him first class honours in the law school.  And now,  here he was some donkey years later facing a similar case with three young cultists killing over five persons intentionally and stray bullets killing three other final year students.
     As if coming out from a trance he realised that the honourable court was waiting for his verdict.  He took a deep breath with pain and anger still burning passionately within him as he said.
    For the charges of murder and manslaughter I hereby sentence Obiora Kingsley, Bola Adeniye and shehu Usman to death by hanging..
   
       .. Shun cultism.. 
     

Falling hard for Mr wrong

   I paced from one end of the room to the other like a man in the labour ward waiting for his wife to bring forth a child to the world.  Confusion and guilt hung over me like a dark cloud announcing a very heavy rain. My God! What have I gotten myself into? I asked myself for the hundredth time, as that was the only meaningful question that could come to mind.
    I need to talk to someone about this, I need to share this with someone! Tears soon hung in my throat as I realised that my best friend Anika, and the only one whom I could have shared this with, was the one I had betrayed.
   OK fine! I will put a call through to romance Fm, I'm  sure the love doctor could give me some valid advice.  I sat tight as I waited for 9pm to come, and it felt like donkey years indeed.
   Oh wait! All this must sound really confusing  to you, thus I shall go straight to addressing the elephant in the room that had effortlessly put me in my melancholic situation.
      It all began on the 3rd of may, when my best friend Anika had asked me to accompany her briefly outside the hostel gate to meet her boyfriend Mike.
    This new boyfriend of hers seemed to excite every bone, nerve and hormone in her body. And she would practically twirl like a ballerina anytime he called, babishly fumbling with her hair, the bedsheets and any other object she could find as soon as he called.  Well,  that clearly differentiated him from all her other callers.
     "you really should get a boyfriend soon,  and experience what love feels like"  she would say to me, with that jittery mocking tone in her voice.
    Andrea please come with me, it is rather time my  boyfriend met my best friend.  After much convincing, well I obliged.  I mean Anika wasn't studying law for nothing, If there was a person who could convince someone to commit suicide and make it sound like a good idea, it was my girl Anika.
    We waited a while for pretty boy to arrive, and when he finally came, my heart froze. I couldn't really decide if it was the actual cold, or my body was telling me something else.  He was drop dead handsome! And when Anika officially introduced us and he held unto my hand for a warm handshake, I went to limbo and back. And that was when it happened,  he held unto my fragile hands a little longer before saying "you are prettier in person"...  And Anika laughed out innocently before saying" I know right...  There is something about our genes"...
      Anika soon left us to get acquainted with each other as she went to get suya  and I soon started to shiver. Mike,  made to ask me a few questions about my personal life when he noticed the shivering and without saying a word, he held me in his arms as he tried to keep me warm.
   My mind  told me to pull away immediately, but it soon turned into a situation of "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak".  I liked it there in his arms, listening to his heart beat and feeling warm.  Anika soon walked in on us, but instead of getting mad, she said "oh, baby are you cold?"  then looking at Mike she said "Bae,  I need to take her inside, it's all my fault that she caught a cold"  (what innocence bestie bore!)
     I said good night to him,  and later in the night he called, telling me that Anika had given him my number so that he could check up on me, "you know...  You are family now"  he said calmly.
    But after that statement we had a completely romantic conversation that made me feel warm again (stop this Andrea! This is your Bestie's boyfriend!)  my head kept telling me.  But like a car that had clearly lost it's brakes I ignored all the signals until it was too late.  I fell head over heels in love with  this guy, and when he started sending me romantic texts each morning I knew he had fallen for me too...
     We couldn't address our present predicament, and when I threatened to make things right and leave him, he threatened to break up with my friend and have me instead.  And that was a clear violation of the girl friends code, just as the men would say "Bros before hoes" we had a saying of "chicks before sticks"...
    Now I was doomed! Especially as I realised that I couldn't do without him too.  The time soon clocked 9:00pm and I waited for the phone lines to be opened so as to make that call, I heard a thunderous knock on the door and it was Anika.
    "Andrea, are you having an affair with my boyfriend!"  she screamed, and saliva immediately dried in my mouth.  "how could you! I trusted you!..." she ranted on and I felt like screaming back at her, for not taking the warning signs serious and for trusting us too much, but staring at her standing there one thing was obvious...
   ... All hell would let loose for a woman scorned! There was definitely no sleeping for me tonight...
 
...  Love more, cheat less...  

The plights of an Empress

   
    My name is Barbara, Barbara Balogun and my journey through this boulevard called life has taught me many Lessons.
    For one, success has so many friends but failure not so much.  In fact most successful people have had their stories re- written by so many authors and most of these biographies clearly leave out the fact that we had several failed attempts before arriving at the throne of success and that being and staying successful has its own perils.  Well,  my biography too is not an exception and that is why I'm  gonna be telling you about the flaws in my success story.
       For instance, when I was younger I couldn't pass my common entrance exam flawlessly, mostly as a result of the fact that I hated maths and thus had to be admitted on trial. It made no difference to Dad though, as he felt that an admission was an admission and the fact that it was on trial did not make me any less human.
     I soon got into school and started to top my class, a situation of "the almost rejected stone becoming the corner stone"  and the tale being told by my principal; the same woman who had admitted me on trial was...
  ... "be like Barbara, she aced the common entrance exams and had continued to lead ever since".  And I'm  thinking, maybe success does have a way of formatting memories of failure because my principal wasn't one to tell a lie.
      Anyway, that is not the major tale.  The  tale behind my success story is most likely similar to one of the programs on "E"  with such a title as - "the pain behind the fame".
      It is true that I come from a very rich family, infact  most people see me like a heiress of some sort. Most especially because of the  fact that Dad had a very difficult beginning before the wealth came along thus it was a general belief that he was naturally going to spoon feed us his children. Which was not the case as Dad had a different concept, he  allowed us all to start from scratch.
       Anyway, I'm fast approaching my 30's and pressure was already on me to find a husband.  And just when I thought all hope was lost and I was soon becoming a laughing stock for my peers, Kelly came along. He claimed to be the heir of another wealthy Empire, but that was not the reason why I fell in love with him.
    I fell in love with him because he was a smooth talker. He sounded very enlightened,  knew a lot about wines and seemed to know about everything else.  He said the right things just when I needed to hear them but most importantly he was drop dead gorgeous.  However he soon began to act funny and would make me pay for our dinners together and almost every other material delight we enjoyed.
    Thus, I called him up on it. "you are a man remember, you must take care of these things sometimes" I said calmly.  And that was when he opened up to me about his family going bankrupt, and begged me not to leave him because I was all he's got,  and love won over all odds and I continued to spend.
      Something odd happened a few weeks later, when I didn't hear from him and I couldn't reach him either.  Naturally,  I panicked as I immediately drove  to his place of residence and got the shock of my life when the supposed owner told me, he had been on a holiday in Paris and had left the house in the care of the(house keeper) house boy.
    I immediately asked for the residence of this house keeper so that I could inquire from him the location of my lover Kelly. But lo and behold on reaching the location and I asked for the house keeper  whose name was Emeka, I magically saw the replica of my Kelly wearing a boxer and filed bathroom slippers.
      I leaned on my car for support as it felt like either I had a stroke or low blood sugar. But after much thoughts, again, Love won!
     I planned to run into his arms and tell him that I had learned of the truth but I was going to take care of him from now on.  But just before I took my first step, some girl ran into his arms like she could read my mind.  I had badly wanted to believe that she was his sister, not until they started locking lips together.
      To be sincere,  I was hurt,  but after looking at his clothes and his present environment. It was obvious that he didn't even have the initiative to save or even make use of the cash I had given him.
    The idiot must have squandered it all.  I wanted him to pay! I wanted him to know that he had stepped on the toes of a rich and powerful individual, but just staring at him there, I realised that his present state of poverty was punishment enough.
      I felt even better, when I saw his lover's face as all it told was "love is blind",  maybe she had some inner beauty of some sort.
     I later told my father that I wanted an arranged marriage instead, because I didn't have the strength to love again...  But I did, I did love again,  my husband to be, a wealthy heir this time, not some house boy from the ghetto... Winks*...

... Now you know being rich has it's down side...
   
   

Romantic camouflage

 
  ...  "the sweeter you treat her, the longer you will keep her." 
       That had always been my notion when it came to relationships,  a notion which was even strengthened when I met  Dellish;my Delicious Dellish and a paragon of beauty indeed. She was in the company of her friends when I first saw her in the Law auditorium, and her musical laughter rang like an echo in the grand Hall.
    I must talk to this girl- I commissioned myself, playing the dual role of principal  and agent at the same time.  But when her friends suddenly left and the opportunity availed itself, something very strange happened.
        A young  man whom I later learned was called Michael had walked up to her, his voice sounded quite harsh and his approach; crude and rude at the same time.  She looked quite calm but the next thing I knew, he pulled her by the arm aggressively and with that aggression pulled her out of the hall. That was strange but even more strange was the fact that no body moved. This is unbelievable! I said with clenched teeth as I got up abruptly but was immediately restrained by my Friend Paul "do not meddle, that's her boyfriend"  he said whispering into my ears.
         I sat down as his tight grip on my arm was becoming an "undrying" well of discomfort and I needed to surrender.  "so...  Because  that animal is her boyfriend, it is OK for him to hurt her?"  I said to my friend in protest.  He shook his head before replying
   "the guy is dangerous, and  as you know, pretty girls are nothing  but trouble"  he said clearly referring to my ex Lola and the hell she had put me through. I shook my head slowly as I turned to acknowledge the lecturer who had just walked in.
       But the next time I met Dellish, I was almost certain that our relationship was fatal. I had gone to study at the Moremi library and taken the east wing exit while she took the West Wing exit, thus we almost bumped into each other at the lobby which was like "the Kogi" in the meeting point of river Niger and Benue.
      I immediately grabbed the opportunity to talk to her, and to cut the long story short "she was too nice and polite for a pretty girl", no element of unwarranted pride or "talkativeness".  And my obsession with the angel gradually blossomed into love.
       The next time I saw Michael manhandling her; as it was no secret that he treated her like an object. I fought with him- oh! Excuse my French, fighting is for two people of equal strength, what I meant was... I beat the hell out of him. An act which was the talk of the whole school for the rest of the session.
    But that wasn't the best part, the best part was that, Dellish like a lioness;who goes only for the stronger male chose me to be her new Boo, and that "gat me high"  like I drank a very strong local gin.
     Our romantic relationship blossomed, not until  a few weeks later when my delicious Bae started acting weird and almost every show of affection I extended towards her seemed to irritate her, but I did not falter,  in fact, I became sweeter and would play a romantic song for her in the morning,   wrap my arms around her in the cold mornings of the harmattan and would even kiss her when she felt distant but all I got was...
   "Deji, turn off the player my head is aching",  "Deji I am not in the mood for kisses right now", "Deji, stop wrapping your arms around me I'm  feeling really hot"...  And I'm thinking  (haba! Even in this harmattan cold!)
     She was getting really distant, and was costing me my happiness in the process.  I told some of my friends about it and they advised me to leave her.
   "you are a fresh boy o! And half the girls in our dept are crazy about you, leave the ugly mammy water jor!"
    I listened to all they had to say but letting go wasn't that easy, infact, letting go was  not an option.  But things soon grew worse with Dellish, she was beginning to act like a werewolf under transition and for a moment I felt that maybe, Michael was justified in giving her his fist.
     On the holidays I took her to a very cool hotel in Calabar and when it was noon, I took her to a romantic restaurant to have lunch but as soon as I took a 5 minutes trip to the bathroom, on my return my girlfriend had already replaced me with another guy, I was pissed!
       I pulled her out to the car, after which I drove straight to the hotel room and that was where the verbal combat began. We exchanged a cross fire of insults and that was when I realised that Dellish was Devlish. She soon looked me in the eyes and called me and I quote "a weak pussy ass Nigga".  Which immediately earned her two remarkable slaps across the face afterwhich I locked her up in the room and went to the nearest bar to drown my sorrows.
    I knew the relationship was over, especially after I had slapped her, I also realised that our romantic getaway was over too, thus I manned up and went back to the hotel room to get my things and head back home to Lagos.  But as soon as I opened the door with the key card, I met another surprise. Dellish hugged me and uttered the words "baby I'm sorry".
       I was confused, did I slap the demons that were holding her captive out of her? She held onto me and even wrapped my own arms around her waist. And that was when the truth dawned on me...
    When Michael was ill- treating her, it was regarded as ill- treatment by every body but her. That was her own definition of romance, she felt that when a guy does that, then he is a real man. Of course I really loved her, thus by all means I became a violent lover and it brought us closer and closer.
     But when the slaps I normally give her began to leave marks on her beautiful body, I got tired.  I love this girl and I don't want to end up killing her... "it's OK Bae, Hit me a little harder this time" she would say ...

      ... I love her, I can't leave her, I can't continue doing this either.  I'm so confused... 
     

5 minutes of WISDOM

     I woke up quite early today, and could still feel the dryness of the harmattan  on my lips.  I stretched  slightly from the position I was on the bed to switch off the A/C after which I covered properly with a blanket, the beauty sleeping beside me; my wife; a woman I had never expected to be in a relationship with talk less of a life commitment.
         This life changing ordeal that is mainly centred on how I met my wife Grace,  all started during my university days.  But before I go into all that let me introduce myself.  I'm Jake, Jake the banger,  if there was any hard to get girl on campus, then I am your guy. I shall invade her honeypot like it was a hostile take over, or the cold war once again. The above action however earned me the nickname "the bull"  by my friends.
     Uni days were fun, as I soon became popular for being a playboy and my sexual prowess soon started to yield me extra cash at school, as I helped some of my guys bang chicks that ordinarily felt too good for them  and get paid for it afterwards.  I was good...  And no matter how difficult a girl was, I always got her, always...
      But soon I met Grace, she looked really beautiful the first time I saw her in the lecture Hall (she still is actually). The rhythm of my heart had skipped few beats that day, which made me want to laugh out loud, since clearly love wasn't my thing.
         I planned to go after her, same way I went after any girl I fancied, but there was a dent in my plans,  dear Gracie was a "church girl"- I hated church girls. I was able to crack a few of them, and while doing the deed, they keep inviting Jesus into the whole scenario,  screaming  "Jesus, Jesus,  Oh My God! etc...  And I'm  thinking" you
 want Jesus to come and catch us naked?"
       But apart from the above, I have a preference for bad girls, I like my chicks industrious in bed, not naive or overly innocent.  However trouble soon came knocking when Grace got my guy upset and he commissioned me to bang her. My first conversation with Grace was somewhat awkward.  "your Grace" I began, trying to use my playboy skills,   But the babe didn't even allow me go through three stanza's from my play boy hand book before preaching to me.
    Well,  it got me so pissed especially as I hadn't even committed the sin to which I had been commissioned and she kept on repeating "give your life to Christ, leave the bondage of sin"  and that was when something inside of me broke and I found myself uttering the words "where was your God when my father a pastor and a devoted Christian for 40 years, died alongside my mother who was still carrying my only sibling in her womb",  "where was He?" I shouted, startling her before walking away in anger.
    She soon came to meet me a few weeks later while I was in the company of some of my friends and asked for some alone time.  I immediately took her to my room and shut the door and as was customary my guys stood outside waiting to hear her screams and moans anytime soon.
      She was provocatively dressed and Even told me that she had given up the Faith. I promised her that I would be gentle but as my lips traced her neckline she began "John 3:16 for God so loved the world that He..."
   "shut up" I shouted, in fact, get out! "Are u sure you want to do this Jake?"  she said softly,  I'm the most difficult girl to get on campus.  So what's the deal? I asked finally, she took a deep breath before replying "I will play along, but you would have to go to Bible study with me on Thursday evening".
   I thought of all my niggas outside and the horrible dent it would make on my record if I don't take the deal, thus I finally agreed.  She didn't allow me touch her of course but the next thing I knew this babe was screaming like a pro and I could also hear my Niggas hailing me outside  "Jake the banger, the Bull!"
     And that was how Grace saved my dignity at the detriment of her own, same way Jesus Christ had given his life for ours, I suppose, not that the two sacrifices were equal.  I went to Bible Study with her and my people to cut the long story short, it turned from one Bible study to 2 and then it progressed from there.  All in all I soon gave my life to Christ and I realised that He has a reason for Everything.

     ... GOD LIVES...  

Diary of the Broken Hearted- Tiana's Diary

     With age comes reason, a saying I had now come to understand. Especially as I sat facing the cold wall of my sitting room and nothing else in the world was of interest to me. Indeed it felt like a cold war!
       I recall a few months back, when I had met Chigozie.  Well, every girl has a particular turn on when it came to guys, some want a man with financial power,   some others who  were comfortably financially buoyant were interested in men who are hope less romantics; the type who could lie each morning without restraints and utter the words "I love you more than life itself".  While yet some others go for the sexually endowed and the men who could fight our battles for us, any battle at all!
     Of a truth,  life while growing up wasn't that easy I later came to understand but as much as having a financially stable guy was intoxicating,  a guy having good looks was my major turn- on, and as nature would have it, Gozie had good looks in abundance.
      I remember the first time I had seen his picture on the fb page of an old friend and had sent him a request as the fear of rejection hung in my throat. But as fate would have it, he accepted my request few minutes later; that cruel fate!
     I also remember the fast rhythm of my heart beat, the first time I decided to send him a message and the confusion that left sweat on my palms when I looked for a diversion, just so he wouldn't realise that I was into him.
      Furthermore, I remember the joy I felt the day he asked for my number, and the way I had slept like a new born babe that night.
     I even remember the first time we had a really interesting conversation, the day he had expressly told me he wanted me, the day I had overreacted and he told me to leave him be, the day I had confessed my feelings and he had said to give love a chance. But now! All that had come to nought.
       Chigozie had joined me to the list of girls who pined over him.  I patiently endured and ignored all the signs that fate had shown me, hoping that one day he would love me, But reality is quite harsh.
      I thought of the time  I had waited just for him to return my messages until late at night, I thought of the fact that I was always the first to begin a conversation. I thought of the fact that he ignored my relevant questions and would make his own demands.
   Yes! In that very instant, it hit me,  I had been a slave to love, a slave for the love of a guy who would never love me!
      The realisation of my first rejection was quite difficult,  but my days were no longer as dark as it was when I was a slave in desperate need of love to be returned. I let Gozie go with ease, even if some parties might have advised me to keep trying.
     I later saved two of his gorgeous pictures, not just because he looked good in them, but to remind myself that I was never good enough for him, but I will be the excellent choice for someone far greater than him in all regards.
     With that, I took a deep breath and decided that following and achieving my dreams were more fashionable at the moment.

   ... The fact that the relationship of your dreams doesn't work out, only means that your special someone is still out there and Better than you  imagined... 

The Dilemma of Betrayal

   Born and bred in the West, even my looks couldn't hide my ivory bloodline.  I had no accents to betray me whatsoever; my home was home,  house- house and neither did my exclamations come in the form of  Ha! Or Mogbe! And that is one of the reasons why I love you and would never leave you! Amaka had said to me, with her beautiful smile stretching from ear to ear.
        Yes! Again, I must remind you...  I am a complete African man, a yoruba man to be precise  but as I watched Amaka sway those hips from the east to the west and my eyes following her every move I realised that 'foreign soup'  was sweet,  and the delicious nature of same, soon led me into saying I do,  with 'Kaka baby' 6 months  later.
       We soon went overseas an action done to please my newly wed wife and to let my father know that I had now become a man and would be fine on my own. I ditched my African lifestyle almost immediately to obtain citizenship and a permanent  stay in a foreign land.
     However,  the suffering of the first few months reminded me that my father was a real man and with the stronger wave of hardship which came like a pungent smell after the birth of my son Tunji junior,  I  was forced to join the British Navy.
       Every thing I did was for my son and Amaka, and as God willed it,  I soon got a better job closer home to my immediate family and grabbed it with  open arms. It's  been a whole year, and I haven't had the pleasure  of being home.
      I rushed into the living room as soon as I got home as I gave joyful shouts for my wife to know of my presence,  but like Adam and Eve having tasted the forbidden fruit hid from God,  Amaka hid from me.  Initially  I couldn't understand why,  not until the innocent infant announced itself with a piercing cry.
       That was definitely not my Tunji, as Tunji is supposed to be about a year old by now, and even though the light complexion of the child could have been mistaken as a trait of mine, well,  certainly not the blue eyes,  there are no 'white walkers'  in my family.  Yes! There I stood as the realisation of betrayal hit me! As bitter as bile, at the same time as painful as salt on injury.
       Well, now imbibing the culture of the white men, I knew better than to hit her or throw her out, instead I vowed neither to speak to her nor to show her any form of affection whatsoever. But soon it became clear that I wasn't the only one "de-africanising"  if there is such a term, as a few years later, Amaka sued me to court for neglect.
       Her plea was set aside initially as it was not proven that I had condoned her Adultery,  but later on it was said that since we had now been married for over 10 years, as that was the age of my son Tunji, it would be regarded by law that I had condoned her Adultery and that the fact that I didn't show affection towards her as a sign that I hadn't forgiven her,  and the fact that I only stayed in the marriage for my son was immaterial.
    Well,  the white man's law had tied us together forever and showed no intention of granting us a divorce,  I forgave Amaka especially after seeing how she still took care of my son Tunji.
       To cut the long story short,  the next year I came back to Nigeria with my 'dear'  wife Amaka, but with the first feel of fresh air from my home country, came reason...
    Tunji cut my plans short by falling ill,  the poor child was said to lack blood and badly needed a blood transfusion and that was where another block buster was revealed!  Tunji,  my son whom I condoned his mother's Adultery for and whom I had maintained religiously along side his mother, wasn't even mine....
        At the realisation of the fact that I had endured the torture of betrayal for donkey years all to no avail, my only response was Ha! Mogbe! And yes like a strong  wave of heat it hit me! I was an African man after all, thus I threw Amaka out and asked her to take her two bastard children with her , it hurt for Tunji sake but it wasn't any sorrow I couldn't recover from with time...
      As I paced from one end to another in the grand living room of my father's house it hit me once again ceremoniously, like I had been overcome by a stroke and a wide grin soon spread from my cheek warmly from ear to ear,  as I figured that the Nigerian measures suited me just fine, I had ended a torturous marriage the African way, and I intended re- marry for the right reasons this time, the African way... All in all,  it felt so good to be home and I wasn't so interested in a foreign citizenship anymore,  Infact I was home to stay.

Home sweet home...  Proudly African... 

Legal corner: the law is your friend. #simple laws of Tort#

Yes! It is true that the law entails a lot of technicalities. In Nigeria it covers 5 brain storming  years of university education and a year of law school, in some others 4years of university education and yet in some others, a thorough law school education.
     However, knowing and enforcing some of your civil rights, does not have to involve a continuous cross fire of Latin maxims and use of complex, uncanny or scary terms (the type you pay a lot of money for).
     We are now in the Era of globalisation, and the concept of the law as a buggy man should change to that of a friend, or legal guardian if you like.
      The study of the law is not that simple, I must confess, but most of our civil, economic and social rights get breached daily, and most of the time we do not bother to seek redress, either by virtue of the fact that we no longer  have faith in the legal system or mostly because we are totally unaware that a wrong has been committed against us that could be legally remedied.
       The law is indeed an interesting ball game.  For instance are you aware that under the law of tort, kissing a girl without her permission can amount to "battery", being barred from going to a planned destination with no possible route of escape by either friend or foe can amount to false imprisonment. Being put under reasonable fear of an imminent battery, no matter how slight will amount to assault. Spitting on someone is actionable battery, the move of one's property without consent may amount to conversion. And that neighbour blocking a public road in your street with a pile of sand or his vehicle may amount to public nuisance,  furthermore  that horrible smell or loud hip hop music blaring from your next door neighbour's house (when you are a fan of blues)  may amount to an action in private nuisance.
        False accusation under the law also has its punishment... Moreover most of the offences listed above are actionable per se, especially the offence of trespass.
     Are you also aware that in the case where you are the tort feasor (wrong doer)  some defences such as act of God (when the wrong was committed as a result of a natural occurence), the fault of the plaintiff(complainant), contributory negligence,  volenti non fit injuria(consent) which is the best defence by the way and many more may  avail you.
        Are you also aware that there is strict liability for owners with erring animals (strict liability for animals),  thus when an animal trespasses on your land and destroys your property or crops, the owner of such animal will be held liable,  or in a situation where the animal harms you personally whether on or off your land he will  be held strictly liable.
        Furthermore to strengthen your case, you must be able to prove that the animal had such vicious tendency but it should be brought to light that the court takes material damage quite seriously.
       
... Indeed the law is your friend, hope you found this short piece  helpful.

    The next article would cover how to bring an action for divorce,  possible defences and wrongs which ordinarily make divorce actionable without keeping to the two years rule before bringing an action...

My love Karma

I stared at my phone for the umpteenth time, waiting patiently for the slightest sign of vibration but neither heard nor felt anything.
   What is wrong with men in this country! I exclaimed, just the other night pretty boy and I had a very wonderful conversation.  I saw a side to him,  I didn't even know existed. I had worn a grin that reached my ears, with every message I read that came from him. Even my heart started to beat really fast, creating a rhythm of its own. Pretty boy had even talked about a kiss, which sounded very much like an invitation to me.
    Again, what is wrong with men in this country! After enjoying a few minutes of what I thought was electronic love, the melodius conversation ended, and companionship that I once felt tasted like fresh palm wine, became as sour as the abacha my friend had complained of the other night...
     Of course I knew he had a girlfriend, but that had never stopped me before, Never! Was pretty boy just leading me on?
    I felt sorry for myself, but even more sorry for my poor electronic gadget, which now lay, lonely on the cold table like an old woman, waiting to be serviced. But then I realised that I wasn't so different from my gadget after all, we were both lonely.
      I couldn't believe that pretty boy could let go of me this way.  But not long after that, pity soon turned into anger.  He isn't that cute anyway, who the hell does he even think he is? It hurt even more because I had never been in the position of chasing a man, in my whole life.
       Now the snub picks my call when he deems fit, replies my messages when he is bored, and always waits for me to say hello...
     A call soon came from Femi, which I ignored with a hiss, alongside a call from lanre and Peter. And just then it hit me! This must be Karma! Now, I have been given a taste of my own medicine.
     Sadness soon enveloped me, as I realised that, life is hard, and we can't get what we want, maybe pretty boy isn't for me after all.  But just before I could wallow in self pity again, a call hit my phone, but this time, even my small gadget was excited as it spun 360 in vibration.
    Hello...  Tee, it's Mars,  pretty boy's familiar voice rang, bringing elevation to my soul.  "I just broke up with my girlfriend"... Oh, I'm  so sorry, I tried to pretend, " well", he continued...  "long story short, all the time lost, I wanna make it up to you"...
    Hmm...  We can have what we want in life after all...
   

Dayo's Diary- Roses and thorns... "the day I would never forget"...

Dear Diary,
    I'm Dayo, a graduate of Engineering,  but I'm  now currently in the labour market. Of course you know that the country's economy is no joke.
    I know it is quite uncanny to see a guy who owns an actual Diary, I mean the idea felt almost gay to me at first, but hey! I guess there are just situations that you did like to share with someone but just can't.
      Permit me to express myself, no matter how vulgar my expression may appear along the line.
     Well...  It all began on the 4th of may, I had fumbled with my phone for a while, after which boredom soon led me to my Facebook page.  I accepted all my pending requests with none particularly getting my attention.
      I stared  at my pictures for a while and for a moment I wished the number of likes I actually had for a shirtless photo or just any casual photo was actually the same  generosity with which I got jobs.
       A polite hi soon popped up, I decided to ignore at first,  especially since I'd be dealing with a 'she'. Well my point is "I know women",  the chats usually start casually, then it slowly moves to,  how pink they think my lips are,  something about loving my light complexion then straight to addressing the elephant in the room, usually in the order of "do you have a girlfriend...  Dayo?"
      Well,  this girl was obviously different,  for one, I thought she was pretty from her profile picture, and being used to the fact that I was addressed as cute most of the time, I decided to play tough for a while but the bottom line is, we fell in love.
     Our first meeting left me breathless, I mean, seeing her in person actually  made me feel like she wasn't  actually photogenic, her real life form was stunning!
   What a beauty! I thought for the hundredth time,  and when we found ourselves  in my apartment alone, well I realised that life is hard, and so was I! As I got down to business with Ada.
       I woke up few minutes later, right beside her.  She was still sound asleep and I even  felt she was more beautiful with her eyes closed, thus I took my laptop as I continued my job hunt. This time I was more dogmatic, as I now had motive...  Yes! If I was going to keep this stunning Angel, I might as well get a stunning job with a stunning salary!
       She woke up, some minutes past 7pm and like a toddler bitten by an ant she screamed. The complaint hidden by her exclamation was inaudible at first, but getting close to her, well... It became loud and clear.
      My uncle is going to kill me! She said repeatedly as she hurriedly dressed up, and without saying another word to me she rushed out, totally ignoring my pleas and offer to take care of her transport home.
      A few minutes after 9pm,she sent me a message saying she was sorry. And then she asked me to come get her from the main junction of my street. I was overjoyed..  Wow! She was going to spend the night, so I was that good huh!
     I rushed to the junction to get her, and lo and behold, I met her in the company of some men, I'm  Sorry! She said in a whisper, before pointing me out to a middle aged man whom I believed was her uncle and saying,  "that is the young man who raped me!"
     Saliva immediately dried in my mouth, as I recalled that her consent was fully given before and during the act, I mean, those rhythmic screams of hers during the whole ordeal sounded really consensual to me!
     But the real fear came few minutes later, when my rights were read to me in a poetic form and I was arrested. I had no idea why Ada would ever have done that to me and when my pain had reached its peak I soon blurted out "what a Judas packaged in the form of  Delilah"...
      A rich uncle of mine, Uncle Dapo soon bailed me out of my prison cell the next day and the case was to be charged to court. My Uncle didn't say much, which was a surprise, but really not as surprising as the texts I got from Ada. She told me she was sorry, and pleaded that her uncle had put her up to it.
   "I had told him the truth" she texted, "but he really doesn't like the fact that you are yoruba, a few persons from your tribe had offended him, I'm  really sorry that you had to be the sacrificial lamb, I really do still love you."
     Our first day in court soon came, and as I walked in, she silently pleaded with me with her eyes.  However the hours that followed was quite torturous, as I listened to my lawyer and hers bombard each other with Latin maxims, dictims of different renowned judges and so on... For a case that could simply be Turned around by the truth...
    Dear Diary, I thought I knew women, but as I prayed for the case to be ruled in my favour, I discovered that I didn't know them at all...  In fact dear Diary, I didn't want to...
   
 
   

INSECURITY AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN NIGERIA

INSECURITY AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN NIGERIA
      Nigeria, the oil rich Giant of Africa, fidgets at the mercy of a dangerous vice...  Insecurity, thus hindering National Development... But as you know, it is the ground that suffers the discomfort of a giant...

To fully appreciate this sensitive topic we must first of all be conversant with the core terms.  In casual use of the word, insecurity  may be said to be a state of uncertainty  or vulnerability to danger.  National Development on the other hand may be defined  as a state of growth or directed change of a nation.  But following Nigeria' s recent experience we might want to be specific and suggest 'positive change'.
    A former inspector General of police once stated that "National security entails the measures, facilities and systems put in place by the nation to secure it's citizens and resources from the risk of infiltration, sabotage, subversion or theft etc..."
    The civil society regards security as " the absence of threat to life, property and social Economic well being of the people"...
    The above is in line with section 14(2)(b) of the 1999 constitution. This we shall address later.
     However in view of the above,  one thing is made crystal clear, insecurity is indeed a threat and a menace to National Development.

The Concept of Insecurity in Nigeria...
   The international Covenant on Economic,  social and cultural rights 1966, recognises the right of Everyone to social security, including social insurance,  thus it is our right to be secure.
       However in the past five to six years the federal government  has earmarked trillions of naira in an attempt to combat insecurity challenges,  the state government  has also set aside billions of naira to address the issue of law and order. In fact private individuals have also given out funds to other private individuals to protect their lives and property...  This is how sensitive the topic of insecurity affects Nigeria as a whole.
   But despite all these resources spent, the trouble of insecurity still dares us, and it seems the government agencies  and instruments put in place are not enough to guarantee the safety of lives and property.
   In recent years, Nigeria has suffered the insecurity breach of kidnapping/ hostage taking, terrorism, theft and armed robbery and now the Advent of the Fulani herdsmen and militants who have now given themselves an exclusive brand called the "Niger Delta Avengers".
    However,  understanding the concept of insecurity is quite tricky, as a result  of the fact that although the term connotes a divergent but somewhat similar meaning to different classes of people, it might not be easily understood  on the surface.
   For instance laws which require the government to create jobs, social amenities and infrastructure, poverty alleviation etc... Are violated as budgets and diverted and cornered by some 'pot bellied' public officials and these officials are treated like "sacred cows" by law enforcement agencies as they have their protection.  while radical political parties and the wounded progressive civil society  as a whole, who would like the government to keep their words and meet the obligations of the people are tagged "security risks".  But then is the security not meant  for the people?...

However a very sensitive question might come to mind... " WHAT IS THE BRAIN CHILD OF NIGERIA'S INSECURITY?"
    Section 14(2)(b) clearly states that " the security and welfare of the people shall be the primary purpose of the government"...
    Thus...  Can we rightly say that this is a situation of "Quis custodiet ipsos custodiet"?... Whose anchor rests on the concept of the guardian unleashing violence of the guarded.  Is it the guardian that hunts the guarded?...
    We will address the above shortly.  However, a balance must be created between National security, human security and individual freedoms.
      To address the question raised earlier,  we might want to address the sending of armed troops to invade communities under the guise of searching for criminal suspects as a sabotage of National security.
     The above assertion is as a result of the fact that, during the Military invasions  of Odi in Bayelsa, Zaki Biam in Benue state and Gbaramotu in Delta state,  scores of law abiding citizens, citizens whose right to security has been well defined by the constitution of this great nation, were killed and properties worth several billions of naira were destroyed. This is the campaign of a rag tag army whose operation follows the order of killing a few to scare millions...
         Furthermore, most members of the political class, for want of ideas desperately set out  to engage in divide et impera tactics and promote backward ideas like zoning, Religion, ethnicity and other primordial agendas while sweeping, sensitive issues of poverty, unemployment, infrastructural decay and insecurity of lives and properties under the carpet.
     To further Throw light on this national joke, the ongoing crisis in the National assembly is centred on the share of positions, while the Nigerians who voted for change are soliciting for legislative programmes that will tackle the problems of corruption, unemployment  and insecurity  amongst others.
     Thus,  it is the submission of Femi Falana that the country cannot guarantee law and order unless the labour movement and other progressive forces are prepared to wage a battle which will ensure that the material resources of the nation are harnessed and distributed at best to serve the common good...
      However  It is my submission that,  unless the government are able to carry out their duties and obligations to satisfactorily meet the needs of the people, we will never be able to attain National security, peace and progress.  As the radical members of the society will continue to act as catalysts of National Development and the government  in turn will tag them as security risks, and would therefore want to strike back and be in breach of section 14(2)(b) of the 1999 constitution...  In essence the cycle would continue.
       
   
THE CONCEPT OF NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT AND HOW IT IS AFFECTED BY INSECURITY  IN NIGERIA.
      National Development is the ability of a country or countries to improve the social welfare of the people by means such as  providing social amenities and infrastructure, education,  medical care and a host of others...
 
THE MANAGEMENT OF NATIONAL  SECURITY BY SECURITY AGENCIES...
    The  National security  organisation (NSO)  was dissolved in 1986,thus the brain child of the establishment of the three National Security  agencies namely:

• The State Security Service (SSS) 
• The Defence Intelligence Agency (DIA) 
• The National Intelligence Agency (NIA) 

Section 2 of the Act provides that the defence intelligence agency shall be charged with the responsibility for the prevention and detection of crimes of a military nature against the security of Nigeria.  While the National intelligence  agency is concerned with the general maintenance of the security of Nigeria  outside Nigeria, concerning matters that are not related to military issues. 

    The duty of the state security service is the prevention and detection within Nigeria of any crime against the internal security of Nigeria. 

    Other Agencies of the state in charge of the maintenance of law and order include the police, armed forces,  immigration and prisons. 

   Realising that the law enforcement are all equipped to fight certain criminal activities in the society, a number of specialised agencies have also be established by the state, they include the Nigerian Drug Law enforcement Agency (NDLEA),  federal Road safety commission (FRSC),  the independent corrupt practices  and other related offences commission (ICPC),  the Economic and Financial crimes commission (EFCC) and the National food Drug and Administration council (NAFDAC). 

     

   Despite the presence of the above listed Nigeria still suffers insurgency in the form of terrorism ( the Bokoharam sect),  invasion of the Fulani herdsmen,  the militants (Niger Delta Avengers)  and kidnapping/ hostage taking amongst others 

    We shall discuss the above core security breaches briefly. 

• The militants of the Niger Delta

This group I believe was born out of the sufferings of the people of the Niger Delta,  who had to endure the destruction of their land by their own natural  endowment (crude oil)  again a major failings of the government. 

Today in Nigeria,  Bayelsa is regarded as one of the most polluted States,  the people of the Niger Delta however  had to suffer, lack of good drinking water and destruction of life form in the water there of,  due to the discovery of oil in their state. 

    Furthermore by virtue of  derivation,   13% of the country's revenue is said to be allocated to oil producing States,  the oil producing States are thus supposed to look the most developed especially as most of them are small in size. 

      But as we are all aware corruption has had a lot to do with  Nigeria's present problems. The course fought by the militants was understood at some point, but was politics and the enjoyment of gains, later introduced....  My answer is yes. I mean, demands were made to the federal government and they extended amnesty to them without rancour. 

        But facing the present issue of the militants we might now discuss their new brand "the Niger Delta Avengers". 

   A day after chevron' s Okan offshore production platform in Warri  Delta state,  suspected Militants blew up a 16 inch gas pipe line, owned by the NNPC
    A group called the Niger Delta Avengers have taken responsibility for the Explosion.

It said in a statement on its website...

“To keep to our promise, the three days
ultimatum given to Chief Government
Ekpemupolo has elapsed and he failed to
apologise to the Niger Delta Avengers, at
10:00 pm Thursday, May 5, 2016, our
strike team 4 hit the Nigerian National
Petroleum Corporation crude and gas
lines.
“The crude line feeds the Warri and
Kaduna refineries respectively, while the
gas line feeds the Lagos and Abuja
electricity power supply. With this
development the Warri and Kaduna
refineries will be shut down and all cities
that depend on the gas line for power will
all be in total darkness like the creeks of
the Niger Delta.”
“We want you the public to know that despite
the heavy presence of military operatives,
our activities can’t stop and it just waste
of funds and time to let the Nigerian
military protect oil installations”, the
group bragged.
“This is a clear warning to all Niger Delta
politicians, traditional rulers, community
leaders and the likes of Tompolo to mind
their business and leave the liberation of
the Niger Delta people to the Avengers.
Those who believe taking sides with the
federal government to fight Niger Delta is
the best option, Avengers are here on the
ground. Neither you nor the federal
government can stop us. If you don’t stay
clear and let us carry out our activities,
we will bring the fight to your individual
doorsteps. Our major goal is to cripple the
Nigeria economy”, the group warned...
     Hmm...  So much for security in Nigeria.
   Due to this insurgency in the Niger Delta,  the Nigerian Economy will indeed be crippled as Nigeria makes 80% of its revenue from crude oil,  this would indeed hinder National Development.

The Fulani herdsmen

     The Advent of the Fulani herdsmen, had brought about serious insecurity issues as a whole,  a few weeks back in Okada, Edo state Nigeria.  the dismembered body parts of a farmer,  an indigene of Okada was discovered.  And the people said to be behind this are rumoured to be fulani herds men. The Tort of strict liability for animals have now prepared a ground for the shedding of blood, thus discrediting the judicial system already put in place.
     Shortly after the Okada incident which led to protests from the indigenes, an increased state of insecurity and a suspension of educational and economic activities, a few weeks later, came the Enugu massacre.

    ... At the palace of the traditional ruler of Nimbo,Chief John Akor, a cluster of policemen were seated under a mango tree, guarding the palace.

The monarch who said it was wrong to call the herdsmen Fulani, noted that the herdsmencame in from neighbouring Kogi State.
He said,
“The killing happened in three
villages out of the 10 villages that make
up Nimbo. The villages are Ugu Echera,
Ngwoko and Unasi.
“The attack happened between 6.30am
and 7.30am that day when we started
getting distress calls, suggesting that
herdsmen were attacking our people in
the three villages.
“The herdsmen were killing most of their
victims by slitting their throats with
machetes and swords. They were even
celebrating the massacre. Our people
were slaughtered like fowls and yet,
nobody has been arrested to account for
such evil.“What I’m sure of is this: 12
persons died on that day and one died
yesterday (Wednesday) at the last count.
Many are still in hospital with serious
injuries.
 
   The Advent of the group which the people now refer to as the 'fulani herdsmen'  has indeed affected Nigeria's National Development,  as Nigeria generates 10% of its revenue from Agriculture, and the destruction of crops by cattle will be a major set back for agriculture.  But most importantly,  the fear of farmers for their lives would not even encourage them to carry out their agricultural activities.
    This herdsmen insurgency as a whole has brought about  great fear, and insecurity especially  on the part of those who receive letters of threats from them, and activities will totally pack up in communities where they have promised to embark on revenge killings...

The Bokoharam Sect
      This group have a very twisted history...  However they have created quite an infamous reputation   which has earned Nigeria the world's consolation,  they have been involved in indiscriminate killings of the innocent, bombings and hostage taking.
    Their aim is to cripple Western Education. And they went further to enforce their motive by the killing of school students and even the kidnap of young innocent girls from schools and neighboring villages in the Northern Nigeria
   This is a major set back to National Development in Nigeria,  because apart from the fact that positive creativity cannot be born out of fear and insecurity.  Prior to their beliefs there will be no progress in Nigeria without Education.
     The world is fast changing and women have made their mark in Nigeria as much as men have, thus it is time to dispense with the notion of the kitchen and baby production as a symbol of  the Nigerian woman.
      This is one group that you cannot share their plight.

Kidnapping
     Unlike the other insurgencies, which are either indiscriminate or centred on the government.  This is centred on the rich folks,  and the people of reputation. It is quite a horrible insecurity challenge and has caused the death of many who were not ordinarily as rich as they thought and thus could not meet up the ransom payment.
     The house of assembly have been quite dogmatic in dealing with the problem of kidnapping,  as preparations have been made to pass bills giving out the capital punishment (death)  to these law offenders.
    Who knows if it is because they are likely victims of this insurgency.
However, it is believed that the activities of the Niger Delta militants is the brain child of modern day kidnapping.
   This insurgency has indeed affected National Development as this troubled climate created by kidnappers have frightened both domestic and foreign investors,  and has also led to the uneasiness of the affluent class of the society..
   Could this insurgency also be a child born of the country's unemployment problems?  Crime should not be an excuse.  But it would  do Nigeria great good if the dogma used to fight crimes affecting the rich should also be used to attend to problems affecting the society as a whole...

Remedies for insecurity
    The late Dr Bala usman suggested that there can only be political stability for our type of Democracy if those freely elected rule in accordance with the fundamental objectives and directive principles of state policy  and decide to make the security and welfare of the people the primary purpose of government.
      Furthermore the use of extra ordinary military measures in the name of "National security" for any other purpose should therefore be discouraged.
      The government and security agencies should give us more to believe in, on that grounds individuals may now have more faith in calling security agents when anything suspicious and likely to endanger lives and properties is discovered.

Security is the obligation of you and I.

 THIS ARTICLE INSECURITY AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN NIGERIA,   WHICH IS AN ADAPTATION OF FEMI  FALANA'S INSECURITY, A MENANCE TO NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT,  WAS COMPILED AND WRITTEN BY TOVIA OMOIJAHE.